Blog C.1 – Nicolette Lovell

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Personal August 21, 2018

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Happy Birthday to the realest @_hellofelix 🫶🏼
Having too much fun this weekend to stop and wish you happy birthday on the internet but I couldn’t pass up a chance to share some of my favorite memories with you.
You make our lives brighter, our smiles bigger, and our laughs louder. We’re so grateful for you. I’m so glad you were born.
First photo: @jacpotorke

Can’t stop watching me meeting my daughter. 25

Can’t stop watching me meeting my daughter.
25 minutes after they pulled her out of me. I want to say the longest 25 minutes of my life but really, it wasn’t. The first 33 seconds were the longest seconds of my life but when they took her out of the room, time stopped, everything stopped. I don’t remember anything after that until they brought her back. It’s as if I stopped existing for those 24 minutes and 27 seconds.
And then this sweet reunion. 💫

I go back and forth on whether or not I want to sh

I go back and forth on whether or not I want to share our birth story. One day I feel filled with gratitude and resolve and want to share what we experienced and learned so that it may serve others in their own lives. Other days it feels all too personal and tender to ever share. I want to share and not share in equal measure.
It’s difficult to wrap my mind around how my life’s most terrifying moments shared the same hour with some of the best moments I’ve ever lived.
Birth is strange in that, it can be extremely traumatizing but then you’re handed your baby and the trauma instantly takes a backseat to the new joy in your arms. It’s still there though, waiting in the backseat.
So where to go from here, I don’t know. I’m forever changed, my world looks different and I look different in it. I’ve never felt so loved and so lonely at the same time. My body is broken and healing with meds and rest but I can’t find the time or the energy to heal what broke inside of me that day.
Then the guilt rolls in. Comparison to others who’ve experienced greater pain and loss, they are constantly on my mind. Those who would give anything to swap stories with me or would take my trauma in a second if it meant going home with a baby of their own. Their grief and my blessing are never lost on me.
Juggling this guilt and the desire to feel seen in my own pain is my greatest challenge right now.
Then I look at her and it all fades away. Perfect in every way. The missing piece to our family, our new star. Gratitude saves me every time.

Thankful doesn’t touch it. ☁️ Photos: the e

Thankful doesn’t touch it. ☁️
Photos: the extremely talented, @jacpotorke

Meet Nova. Our world is forever changed. ✨ Fir

Meet Nova.
Our world is forever changed. ✨
First photo: @jacpotorke

Copyright @Nicolette Lovell 2023

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